It's just nice to feel a bit more human again.

Yesterday, I popped out to the local pharmacy again for a few necessaries. While it was a short little walk, it was just nice to have a normal little transaction.

This morning was even better.

It just so happens that I ran out of books and coffee at the same time, so yesterday, I did the only sensible thing and ordered some for pickup from my favourite local book store, Perfect Books (which, as it happens, is 700 feet away). My order included:

• Persona - Aoife Josie Clements
• YOU x ME - Ayla Vejdani
• A/S/L - Jeanne Thornton
• Plastic, Prism, Void - Violet Allen

As for coffee, while I normally order from Detour in Hamilton, I left it too long for their roasting schedule. I also sometimes pick up LULO from Arlington 5 when I've left things too late, but that's a bit further than I can make it just now.

What's a girl to do?

Fortunately there is a Happy Goat nearby and they roast a pretty satisfying bean. The day's little adventure was set.

After my morning shower and requisite 1.25 hour dry time (good healing requires cleanliness and, uhh, an arid environment), I got myself dressed, grabbed a tote ("Silliest goose in the pond"), and even took paper for recycling and a filled green bin bag out to the back for disposal!

I arrived at Happy Goat first and selected my beans (some Ethiopian Yirgacheffe: I usually like a brighter coffee). I was also complimented on my tote and hair, whose normally bright purple has faded quite a bit since I can't take a long enough shower to maintain the colour.

Still, it felt very nice, since in healing I've felt like a bit of a smelly and leaky goblin. A far cry from the cutesy-poo Goblin Mode references during COVID.

Leaving the shop with a free coffee (included with bean purchase), I slowly made my way up Elgin toward the book shop. Swelling seemed lower than normal, I felt pretty perky, and breeze or no breeze, the complete absence of bottom dysphoria was a major new treat.

Even at my snail's pace 🐌, it didn't take long to get to there to pick up my books, which I paid for online. The very nice clerk also complimented my tote and remarked that she hears that Persona was excellent, which I responded that I heard that too and look forward to diving into it!

I then loaded my purchases into my tote, hooked it on to my shoulder, and headed home.

Sure, I have plenty of healing to go. And more than four hours of every day is spent on maintaining a clean environment. In spite of this bathing, I still feel dirty, smelly, and leaky. I haven't worn makeup in almost a month, my hair is fading, my legs are getting sasquatchy, and I haven't worn actual clothes for more than 30 minutes at a time in weeks. I miss underwear even.

Still.

Feeling a bit more human and a bit more normal - even in half-hour chunks - is just such a wonderful feeling and I know I will remember it for a long time to come.

July 9, 2026