While a single repeat does not a study meake, I'm really learning through all of this that however strong me need to restrict is clearly no match for my need to follow insruction, order, and to please.

This is really no different than over twenty years ago when I was in an eating disorders clinic.

Today, as then, I am doing everything that I'm being asked to (+10%) in part becuause I trust that it's a good way to make sure I heal (eat healthy) more quickly and completely, but also in part because I am trying to be the best patient that I can possibly be and make the nursing and care staff's job easier and more pleasant.

If I were to sit there and pick at my meal, not eat so much of it, and cause the nurses to instead get me on protein shakes, I would feel like I'm being difficult. A problem patient. In my mind, this would be a whole lot like some of the patients I remember from the eating disorder clininc whose balance of needs was different and who ended up requiring a whole lot of extra staff effort.

I just hope that when I am discharged on Monday morning, I bring some of that energy with me home and not fall back into any sort of reversal. My healing will depend on getting enough calories and the right foods in.

And, if nothing else, since I really seem to be at risk of something unwanted due to my being in bed so often (the skin at my tailbone is getting numb due to the pinching), it would be nice if that weren't the case.

As I've lamented before, I think the restriction is also a bit of a drag on my transition results. My, uhh, undercarriage is now reconfigured as I have always needed it to be, so I think I ought to make sure I can see the forest for the trees.

June 20, 2026